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clearly the influence was strong.

With multiple courses (sometimes up to four), hours of my life would be spent at this table. It isn’t until now I have found how my seat at this particular table has shaped me, both personally and professional. I find it to have influenced what I make a priority at my table. Personally, the loudest sound in the room is the music playing, or me cheering for my favorite sports team; and professionally, everyone contributes and is given an equal opportunity to be heard.

My family is an overwhelming presence at times, with their loud opinions on everything. However, I admire and emulate their intensity, their dedication and their desire to put family first. My ability to articulate my opinion is a direct reflection of the lessons learned at Sunday dinner. It was bestowed upon me it is a privilege to have a seat at the grown-up table and my childhood experiences with my family have taught me the importance and need for listening to others, respecting people’s opinions, and taking advantage of every opportunity to prove ones’ authenticity.

network. This influence is key when it comes to personal and professional relationships as we approach both with the desire to build upon our connection.

The new norm for women is not sitting and waiting to see if Prince Charming is going to come along. Millennial Women today are less likely to settle for a partner just to meet unspoken expectations of being a wife, a mother and a home-maker first and a whole person second.

Instead, more women seek to fulfill their dreams and learn to like themselves, then are happy to share their greatness with someone else over time. This approach to relationships may be different but it has allowed women time and opportunities to grow into the individuals they want to be. I never dreamed of myself walking down the church aisle or what my future house, partner and children would look like. I have found through my confidence in being myself that there is more opportunity for my relationships to grow. Women need not to fear that relationships entail a loss of self. First embrace yourself, then be prepared: you never know what may happen next.

At 28, living and working in Washington, D.C., I found dating was expected but exhausting. I was working constantly and putting in long hours. I even recall falling asleep in a Washington, D.C., nightclub with a perfectly nice date.

“It would help your career if you were married. It would be a signal of your stability, maturity and make you more acceptable” a male friend once told me. In spite of that advice, I said no more blind boring dates, and marriage would not be a part of my future. One month after that well thought out, logical decision, I met my prince charming and we have been married for forty one years.

How I expected to be treated by men has a great deal to do with my relationship with my father. He set the standard for my personal relationships with men and how I interacted with men in the workplace. He had such respect for my mother and his daughters and for our opinions and feelings. He would convey to my sister and me that with a college education we could be anything we wanted to be in life. An important seed for self-confidence! I believe his positive interaction with us on an emotional and intellectual level was the foundation for my relationships with men. His constant display of hugs, kisses and willingness to show tears when he was emotionally moved set a powerful example. My sister Judy has been married for 52 years and I have been married for 41 years. With so many divorces around me, I credit my mother and father with showing the way.

for myself. I was a multi-year captain for every team I played on, I was elected onto Peer Leadership Counsels, National Youth Leadership Conferences, Vice President of my University’s Student Athlete Advisory Committee and so on. I was also provided multiple leadership and dedication awards. None of these successes would have come forward without my confidence.

People ask me how am I so confident and where I learned to be confident? A lot of what I learned was a reflection of the positive environment I was surrounded by in my youth. My family was always very involved in my life, still is to this day, and it was and still is always positive. I saw from a young age that positivity takes you a lot further than negativity. Although it is not easy to always stay positive, the more positive you are the more confident you are in yourself and the decisions you make. It helps you believe in a better outcome with the end result being a positive and confident solution. Furthermore, I saw that the more confident I was, the more positive vibes I was bringing to others. I saw people looking up to me, coming to me when they need advice, relying on me in tough situations, but most importantly mirroring my confidence after they’ve experienced a failure. I saw the rewarding outcome of this mostly during my coaching days. It was incredible seeing the positive, confident messages I was teaching young girls, follow through and they in-turn are better people.

What I have found is that I can check-off the box to all of those expectations, except for successful. The definition of success differs from person to person. By living up to the expectations of someone else’s definition of success, you will feel you have failed privately.

However, to overcome these unspoken expectations it is important to make choices for you, live the life you wish to live. I have taken many risks in my life and I have done so regardless of the unspoken expectations. I look for the positives in each failure which has allowed me to be the best version of my authentic-self and meet my OWN unspoken expectations.

My solution was to leave my full-time job and take a position where I am able to obtain my master’s degree which in-turn will catapult me into my desired field. Having a positive approach to what could be perceived as a failure and finding a solution has shown me the benefit in preparing for the after-fail.

These experiences gave me the necessary confidence to ignore the stereotypes and pursue my passions. By passing on my soft skills with confidence, I create an infectious positive, team environment that no hard skill could ever provide. However, I have found that in order to find true success, the need for a balance between both soft and hard skills is apparent.